The wedding of my oldest daughter is fast approaching, couple of month from now she will be married. In the words of Willie Nelson “Ain’t it funny how time slips away”. I am looking forward to the wedding, and I will be honest, I have not been to many weddings in my life so far, and though you sometimes think of your children getting married it always seems like some far off thing that will happen one day. Well guess what…
My son and I got our suits, we have had them tailored and we are good to go. The problem was my wife. Less than two month before the wedding and she still didn’t have her dress. Now I am no dress expert but apparently the mother of the brides dress is a big deal! There seems to be a lot of rules attached to the dress. There is a color scheme, it has to be conservative but not old, it has to be simple and not take away from the brides dress, but not too simple because everyone looks to see what the mother of the bride is wearing you know! Then there are about a million things it has to match, shoes, purse, gloves, make up, it doesn’t end.
So here we are less than two months before the wedding and my wife still does not have a dress, let me tell you the situation was getting desperate until one of my wife’s close friends put her onto a wholesale place where designer dresses are a fraction of the price a gal would pay in the stores. Problem was, this place is in a part of town my wife is not familiar with. My initial reaction when she asked me to drive her was negative (needless to say) but after all, my oldest daughter is only going to get married once ( I hope), I wanted it to be special for my wife. So I sucked it up, smiled and said I would be happy to. My wife almost fainted.
Seem dress shopping is very comparable to any other endurance competition. You need guts, you need stamina, you need grit, and patience. It damn near did me in. For those of you that have never been dress shopping (fellows) let me lay it out for you. Your wife is running around the store, looking at dresses, there is another lady that works at the store who follows her everywhere taking the dress that your wife throws at her, or your wife bellows out order to her like “size 6, light blue, sleeveless, Hike!” After we have 10 or 12 dresses it is time to go to the changing stalls. So I figure I am ok now, she tries things on, I sit on the couch, check my email, hell we are almost done here. What I don’t know is that every time she tries on a dress she has to take a photo, send it to friends and then wait for a reply before she moves onto the next dress. I am oblivious to all of this stuff that goes on behind the scenes. What I am not oblivious to is that there are women coming in and out of the changing stalls in all different stages of nudity! I realized after the first one came out half naked that I was the only male in the store. I am not sure who was more surprised, me or her. After that I really did not know what to do or where to look. At one point a woman came out in a bright orange dress screaming to someone behind me that she thought “her boobs were to big for the dress”. Sure enough they were, in fact everything she had was to big for the dress.
Finally, in the nick of time, when I thought I could not look at one more open back, or push up bra, my wife called me in to see a dress. She was a vision of loveliness, but the dress was not the right size, lucky for us they had the same dress in the size she needed (you notice I am not saying what the dress size was, my mama didn’t raise no fools, guys that is one of those things you take to the grave).
In the end we have the dress, had an adventure, and I will be with the prettiest lady in the joint. Well besides my daughters of course.